What is Betrayal?
When a betrayal can take place in a relationship it can be very upsetting and it can be filled with great emotional intensity. Feelings of guilt, sadness, anger and misplace of trust can be just some of the emotions that may be involved.
However bad and intense the emotions may be, it is possible to overcome the betrayal if both individuals want to overcome it and move forward, however, this is not an easy task and nor will it be to everyone’s liking. It will be a hard, painful task for both of you but if both of you are willing to commit to repairing the damage, rebuilding the trust and reconnecting with each other then it can be done.
Before you do this both of you need to make the first fundamental changes together, the unfaithful spouse should stop seeing or speaking to the other person and be honest with their spouse and be willing to answer all the questions that their spouse may have in regards to their betrayal, and for the betrayed partner, you need to try and set aside the overwhelming anger and despair in order to learn more about what has happened and reasons as to why it has happened so the necessary changes can be made to improve the relationship.
Below are more tips that you could use to help rebuild your relationship further.
1) Give yourself time to recover
The pain of betrayal can be a heavy one and can take time to repair. Don’t expect for repairs to take place instantly as it will take time, patience and hard work.
2) Answer any questions
When there has been betrayal, often the partner who has been betrayed will have many questions for the unfaithful partner. Willingness to talk can rebuild the trust and can show your partner that you have no more secrets. If the unfaithful partner leaves out details that emerge later, the betrayed spouse will only feel even more betrayed later on, so it’s important to be open and honest.
3) Admit wrongdoings
The person who has done the betrayal has to admit that they have done wrong. They have to take responsibility for their actions to be truthful, honest and willing to cooperate with everything in order for the relationship to move forward.
4) Build Trust
This will take time, but your actions have to match your words, so spend time together and rebuild the love you have for each other. Try to focus on the good memories and the positive day to day outcomes to move forward.
5) Grieve Together
Even though you have decided to stay together, inevitably something will have changed in your relationship and will be different. Therefore you will be grieving together what you have lost and looking forward to the newly changed relationship.
6) Communicate with each other
It is important to not only listen to each other but to hear each other and then talk to each other so that you can try and understand each other and support each other by giving each other what you need.
7) Immunise yourself
As a couple use the incident of the betrayal to reflect upon to help you in the case of repeat episodes. Look back at what happened, identify how and when and write down the path to its occurrence. Then write out what each of you would do differently at each step so that you will stay safe in similar future circumstances.
8) Launch a better than ever relationship
Start identifying the weak areas in your relationship and then look to strengthen these areas in your future together. The stronger your skills for talking together about sensitive issues the less likely you will be to drift apart to let the anger rift lead into resentments or fights.
9) Seek professional help
Look for a therapist that can assist you to work through your emotions together. There is a reason why the betrayal happened and counselling will help to understand the underlying unmet needs of the relationship and help you to build a stronger relationship.